On a Hiatus? Maybe Goodbye?

These past few years I found I have less and less to say and share here.  As my children have gotten older I've become increasingly more busy in their education and volunteering my time in their school, giving me less time to write (only one small reason). I'm not completely sure if I'm ready to say goodbye and this is not the first time I've written a similar statement.  I've taken breaks and that has always helped, renewing my energy, and as time went on, given me more things to talk about.

I wonder sometimes that because my blog has no "theme", it's not a cooking blog, or a sewing blog, a blog about mothering or mindfulness, it's a blog where I talked about my kids and some of the things I like to do.  I'm not an expert on any subject.  I have passions in so many areas and they often fluctuate. I might go a whole year without sewing a thing, or baking a loaf of bread; even though I love both of those things.  Maybe that is why?  If I had a "theme" one great passion, I'd have plenty to share?  I don't know.

As the kids get older I'm lacking in cute pictures they've drawn to show you, or to share the funny things they say, or talk about their antics.  Sure all those things are still happening but honestly, I don't feel like writing about it.  They go to school, they do their homework, they do their chores, attend gymnastics and lacrosse.  We go to church they have Sunday school.  It's just a normal every day life and I wonder what more can I say about it?

Lastly, there is a lot of pressure and guilt.  I know this is my own problem.  No one makes me feel this way, but I do.  Everyday I think "Should I blog today?"  "What about?" "I haven't blogged in a long time." "I better think of something to write about!"  I don't want to feel that way any more.  Sure I could just blog when I feel like it, and I might do that, or maybe I'll take a long break and get re-energized, or maybe it's time to say goodbye? Right now all I know is I have to let it go for now.  

Those of you who have been faithful readers these past years, thank you.  I've enjoyed all your comments and have made friends both near and far along the way.  I've also learned a lot from each of you.   I will still be reading your blogs of course!  I'd miss you all too much if I didn't, but for now, goodbye.....

Being A Mom

is sometimes the hardest thing to be in the world.  Everyday your life and love revolves around those little buggers.  

When they are hurt or are ill, the pain can be more then you can take.  The fear of it being "bad" intensifies.  

Today my C is fine but not after much fear when he complained about pain in his side, and chest pains after running.  

What is a mother to think when her child tells her his chest hurts after he runs? That his side hurts under his rib cage?  When you watch him pressing and pushing up under his ribs when he knows you're not watching?

The worst, right?  Or is it just me?

We saw the Dr. this morning and he is wheezing and has asthma (which he had before but we thought he had outgrown, even the Dr. thought so).  He is also full of gas and poop.  I'm sure he'll be so happy I told you that!

I know asthma is no picnic but it sure does feel like a relief when your thoughts go to very bad places, such as a problem with his heart or appendix or cancer!

After we left the office I seriously could have done a dance I was so happy it wasn't serious.  

Starting tomorrow two puffs of his inhaler before school, and well, I must keep a watchful eye on his, ahem, "movements".

Poor kid, he's going to hate me someday if he ever reads this........

But he sure is cute!

Will he forgive me because I love him and think he is so cute???????

To My Mom

From your beautiful grandkids!

Oh! And Grumpy Cat says Happy Birthday too.

Breakfast

Progress

The studs are gone

The plumbing rerouted

Completely open

What a difference.  

It's so spacious now and I can not wait for it to be finished!

And the Walls Come Tumbling Down

When we first moved into our current home we were thrilled with the size of the house, it was perfect for our growing family of four, soon to be five (I was 7 months pregnant when we moved in). As we began settling in I noticed how enclosed everything felt.  We have a center hall colonial and and the rooms are all "boxed up", not sure how else to describe it.  There is no "Open Concept" here!  Since 2006 I've been thinking and dreaming and scheming of ways to open things up.  

May I please introduce you to the first wall that is coming down!

View from the kitchen into the family room.

(my table does not have a bunch of chunks taken out of it, it's a cheap cover to protect a very nice table, too cheap of a cover I might add! Oh and please ignore the laundry basket in the background)

View from the Family room into the kitchen.

Construction begins

Already it feels so open and big.  

I can't wait for it all to be done!

A Sorrowful Day

Last night my friend's mom passed away.  

Today I've been sitting in silence doing quiet work and thinking of her.  My sorrow is much deeper than I anticipated.  I have know my friend and her mom since 1978, and although we were once close, we have drifted apart these last 7 years or so.  I didn't think it would hurt as much as it does.  

Mary was too young to die.  

She died from cancer that consumed her body.  

She didn't deserve that.  

So today in her honor I will sit quietly and send thoughts and prayers their way.  Especially to my friend whose heart I know is broken. Who I know loved her mother with all her being.  Who I know is in a very dark place right now.  

At times such as these I wish there was something I could do.  I want to go to her house and hug her but I want to give her her space.  I want to call but what can I say that will make any difference?

I once took a mediation class and the instructor taught us a meditation in which you imagine all your love in your heart, and you hold it there and let it build.  When you're ready you send it, you imagine it with your minds eye traveling right to that person and entering their heart.  

I haven't done this meditation in many years.  Today I will be sending all my love straight to Crissy.  Maybe, just maybe she'll know I'm here.