Birthday Bubble Burst

On Monday A had her 10th birthday.  I set up the dining room table with gifts, flowers, cards, a huge balloon, and a cake.  I was happy!  I knew she would be too.

Each year I try to make their birthdays special.  It's not about the presents or the flowers or if the cake is homemade or from a box.  It's about showing them how much they mean to us, sharing a meal, singing happy birthday, enjoying a delicious treat.  The gifts are special and tradition but not whats most important.

A was very happy with everything we did and everything she received.  

It was a nice afternoon and night.

Then the next morning my bubble was burst and her birthday glow gone.

A has an itouch and in the morning she and her friends text each other, sometime they face time.  Most mornings I don't mind and it's kind of cute the things they share.  However, Tuesday morning I knew something was wrong.  I waited till we were alone and I asked what was going on, she burst into tears.  One of her classmates, and a good friend, happened to have her birthday on Tuesday and she received an iphone.  A was so upset.  She told me this friend will brag about it all day and that when this child brags it bothers her.  I said I know that can feel annoying to you, is there a chance you feel jealous?  Do you feel your gifts are not as good as an iphone?  She insisted that it was the fact that this other child was going to brag all day and she would have to hear it.  I gave her some advice.  What more can I do? 

I hate that my child feels this way.  I hate that there is a sense of competition.  I hate that I am that parent who wont buy my child a phone at 10 years old.  I am by no means a perfect parent, but I cant help but sometimes wonder what parents are thinking?  What is their thought process?  Is it, I feel it's safer that my child has a phone, is it, every other kid has a phone?  What is it?  I know for myself that when I question something I was so sure about before, it is often because I say to myself "But I see all the other children are doing it too, have it too." etc. (the reason A has an itouch. Not something I thought was necessary but saw all her classmates had some sort of phone or itouch)  

I also do not want to be so judgmental about other parents but I still wonder and sometime not in such a positive way.   I know I am judged by parents because my kids go to bed early, because I have asked parents to please not let my child play certain video games, because I have questioned families who I know have guns and weapons in their house how they are kept safe from the children.  Yes I have done that!  These are my kids, my responsibility, the loves of my life.  I will ask you if you have guns in your house.  I will get to know you before my kids go to your house.  OK, so I'm getting off the point of this post.  That's a post for another day.  Sorry about that.

Anyway, with some advice for A she came home happy and said that the other child didn't brag as much as she thought but, and I quote, "She did have to say it as loud as she could that she got a phone for her birthday during morning meeting." and if you could have seen her face you'd know how she felt about that. 

This is why my bubble burst.  I was riding high on my daughters happiness and then she was feeling what I can only think was inferiority and jealousy.  It's painful to see her that way.

I sometimes feel I am alone in a world of trying for simplicity in a community of too much, too soon.......